Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just gift wrapped bread.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
