She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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