i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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