he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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