Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
