Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
