He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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