Where are you?
In a non slutty way
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
