The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
