I think I won the penis lottery.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
