My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
