tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
