im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
