He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He better not be in your backpack
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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