Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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