was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
