Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
