I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
