Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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