Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
