My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Idk if I want to put a bra on
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
