maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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