sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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