PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
