How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
