last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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