she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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