you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
