We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
