Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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