Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I could make wine with my vomit
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
