If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
