Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
