An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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