im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
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The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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