Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
