I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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