Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
