am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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