Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
