I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
