i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
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I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
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Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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