By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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