Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We were destined to go to rehab together
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
