Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
