dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Sober January is a disaster.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I supernannyed him into submission
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
