I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
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