Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
my being single is dangerous.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
