does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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