I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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