Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
