Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
