By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
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I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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