I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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