I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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