I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
