Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
