My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
