hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
