pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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