Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
